By MAGGIE WANG
Written on Friday, Aug. 8, in an e-mail to update our friends on our nanny situation:
OK, so it has been a very long few days … I’ve told some of you bits and pieces; others nothing yet, but I know it’s going to come up between us so why not give everyone the whole story here …
We had our new Indonesian live-in nanny start two Wednesdays ago, and things were very promising -- so much so that we didn’t have alternate plans if it didn’t work out. So this week has been an emotional rollercoaster with hours and hours of conversations back and forth with Kevin on what is best for our family.
Our new nanny was actually pretty good. She was sweet and hard-working, and she really took care of us; she was very sweet with Maven. She was someone whom Kevin and I both grew to like -- which made this week and these decisions tougher. We noticed her not clicking with Sedona last week and over the weekend but thought it would just take some time. By Tuesday, it was growing clearer that it wasn’t going to work. Sedona wouldn’t mind the nanny in the room but as soon as she tried to touch or get near her, Sedona would say ‘no’ and cry. Sometimes the cries were heartbreaking as we gave Sedona some tough love in trying to train her to calm herself down. We gave the nanny notice Tuesday that we probably couldn’t keep her b/c of her lack of relationship with Sedona – who certainly is a shy girl at first but really had a pretty terrible reaction to this nanny. We think for a couple reasons: (1) Sedona’s verbal skills are getting very strong, and the nanny’s lack of English was frustrating for both play and basic communication. (2) The nanny was passive and had a very hard time coming up with techniques for engaging a toddler.
Despite our nanny knowing that we were going to let her go on Friday (today), she worked hard and kept looking out for us. It was super sweet, and we continued to try to get Sedona to like her by working with both of them. It was emotionally draining to keep banging our heads against that wall, although Sedona did start to coexist with her better, at least.
At nights, Kevin and I would talk for hours about what we would do if it really doesn’t work out (which it didn’t): Do we hire an au pair? Do we use an American agency for a live-in? Do we hire another Indonesian nanny? Do we go back to something like what we had before with non-live-in Linda? After a lot of research and thought, we aren’t totally finalized yet – but we do know a lot more about child care options if you ever need help on the issue.
Currently, this is our conclusion – someone who is as good with our girls as Linda is unlikely to want to do our housekeeping. And someone who is really dedicated to cleaning is probably not the person we want to help develop our kids. So especially after seeing Sedona’s reaction to Linda when she stopped by for a cameo appearance Wednesday (and seeing Linda’s uncharacteristically sentimental reaction to Sedona – plus Linda’s statement about it not really being fair that we pay her to spend time with Sedona), we are going to keep Linda. As you’ve all heard me say… she is FABULOUS! We can and will never find anyone as good development-wise with our girls as she is. Linda has played a huge part in how Sedona has turned out so far (including being the impetus to Sedona being potty-trained by 17 months). We realize that without a live-in nanny my life might be a bit tougher in managing work and two little ones, but ultimately our girls’ happiness and development is way more important than how clean our house is. In addition, we are hoping to find a helper for me: I’m in the process of finding a housekeeper that will come to our house 2-3x a week for 2-3 hours to help with daily cleanings in the evening. I’m not sure if this is realistic (especially fiscally) but that is what we are currently on a mission to find. Wish us luck!
I’m SO sorry for the mass email, but I’m so tired of this topic and I want to put it behind me; I don’t want to tell the story over and over again. Thank you for understanding.
OK, so it has been a very long few days … I’ve told some of you bits and pieces; others nothing yet, but I know it’s going to come up between us so why not give everyone the whole story here …
We had our new Indonesian live-in nanny start two Wednesdays ago, and things were very promising -- so much so that we didn’t have alternate plans if it didn’t work out. So this week has been an emotional rollercoaster with hours and hours of conversations back and forth with Kevin on what is best for our family.
Our new nanny was actually pretty good. She was sweet and hard-working, and she really took care of us; she was very sweet with Maven. She was someone whom Kevin and I both grew to like -- which made this week and these decisions tougher. We noticed her not clicking with Sedona last week and over the weekend but thought it would just take some time. By Tuesday, it was growing clearer that it wasn’t going to work. Sedona wouldn’t mind the nanny in the room but as soon as she tried to touch or get near her, Sedona would say ‘no’ and cry. Sometimes the cries were heartbreaking as we gave Sedona some tough love in trying to train her to calm herself down. We gave the nanny notice Tuesday that we probably couldn’t keep her b/c of her lack of relationship with Sedona – who certainly is a shy girl at first but really had a pretty terrible reaction to this nanny. We think for a couple reasons: (1) Sedona’s verbal skills are getting very strong, and the nanny’s lack of English was frustrating for both play and basic communication. (2) The nanny was passive and had a very hard time coming up with techniques for engaging a toddler.
Despite our nanny knowing that we were going to let her go on Friday (today), she worked hard and kept looking out for us. It was super sweet, and we continued to try to get Sedona to like her by working with both of them. It was emotionally draining to keep banging our heads against that wall, although Sedona did start to coexist with her better, at least.
At nights, Kevin and I would talk for hours about what we would do if it really doesn’t work out (which it didn’t): Do we hire an au pair? Do we use an American agency for a live-in? Do we hire another Indonesian nanny? Do we go back to something like what we had before with non-live-in Linda? After a lot of research and thought, we aren’t totally finalized yet – but we do know a lot more about child care options if you ever need help on the issue.
Currently, this is our conclusion – someone who is as good with our girls as Linda is unlikely to want to do our housekeeping. And someone who is really dedicated to cleaning is probably not the person we want to help develop our kids. So especially after seeing Sedona’s reaction to Linda when she stopped by for a cameo appearance Wednesday (and seeing Linda’s uncharacteristically sentimental reaction to Sedona – plus Linda’s statement about it not really being fair that we pay her to spend time with Sedona), we are going to keep Linda. As you’ve all heard me say… she is FABULOUS! We can and will never find anyone as good development-wise with our girls as she is. Linda has played a huge part in how Sedona has turned out so far (including being the impetus to Sedona being potty-trained by 17 months). We realize that without a live-in nanny my life might be a bit tougher in managing work and two little ones, but ultimately our girls’ happiness and development is way more important than how clean our house is. In addition, we are hoping to find a helper for me: I’m in the process of finding a housekeeper that will come to our house 2-3x a week for 2-3 hours to help with daily cleanings in the evening. I’m not sure if this is realistic (especially fiscally) but that is what we are currently on a mission to find. Wish us luck!
I’m SO sorry for the mass email, but I’m so tired of this topic and I want to put it behind me; I don’t want to tell the story over and over again. Thank you for understanding.
In addition, we have found an evening helper for me. Our friends Patty and Larry have an amazing nanny/housekeeper for their twins, Bryce and Natalie: Betty, who is from Guatemala. Betty will be helping us in the evenings a few days a week to lighten my load. I'm super excited about having her join us, and I appreciate them sharing her with us. She is starting this week.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment