Aug. 31, 2008: Sedona Turns 2

By SEDONA DING

Allow me to sum up my birthday party in the park a week ago in a single word: cake. (If I could expand on that, I'd add the words "unbelievably yummy," because it was, and "tummy hurts," because it did afterward.) There's no way I could sum up my actual birthday Sunday in a single word, because there simply have to be two words to capture the true essence of this most special day ... ICE CREAM!

See, my parents gobble that junk up left and right, but they've basically deprived me of cake and ice cream for about two years. If you come visit me, feel free to smuggle me a pint of Ben & Jerry's under the table. Anyway, Aug. 31 was spent with A-Gong Toshi and A-Ma Alice in Palm Springs, and there was plenty of food leading up to the ice cream.

Because I now say, "I love you, Maven!" quite regularly, here's a demonstration of that with a photo of my baby sis to kick off this blog entry. She sort of looks only half-Asian sometimes, doesn't she? But then again, one of Uncle Bry's girlfriends a long time ago actually thought Daddy was half-Asian, so who knows. (That Bry girlfriend also thought China was right in the way it treats Taiwan, and Daddy told her off with an intensity that very much surprised Mommy!)

You've probably seen the cuteness-personified video of me fake breastfeeding my beloved stuffed rabbit, Gnow-Gnow. But now I'm expanding to fake breastfeeding my beloved sister! I need to do a lot of real eating to keep up all this fake breastfeeding, you know.

I find it very enjoyable to do things such as sitting this way with my feet placed incredibly neatly before me. I also find it very enjoyable to eat seeds of any sort -- in this case, pumpkin seeds! (I also snacked earlier on a a ton of watermelon cut by A-Ma Alice and a lot of garlic-flavored peas provided by Aunt Lulu for our trip.)

We headed to dinner at Kaiser Grille, and I showed A-Gong Toshi and A-Ma Alice how immediately I have implemented "Cheers!" into my bag of tricks upon seeing them do it at a dinner at Lawry's the other day. There's nothing like a good toast done with a Trader Joe's water bottle filled with milk!

On to the really good stuff ... and as you can see, I am completely transfixed by the arrival of this wonderful mound of beautiful ice cream, placed right in front of me.

I removed my sweater so that I could do this right -- only to be overwhelmed by how close temperature-wise this ice cream is to ice.

I adjusted quickly and began to take bites the size of Antarctica.

I did share a lot of my ice cream, but not enough to take this loopy grin off my face.

We went for a stroll afterward, and I had a good time counting clouds with Daddy. Little did he know that all I was thinking was how much those clouds looked like scoops of vanilla ice cream.

Here's Maven one more time. She's the only one of us in the photo not to have eaten any ice cream at dinner, so you can see why she's the only one with a sad face!

All About Maven

By MAGGIE WANG

Let's talk about our adorable and sweet Maven Tally Ding.

This girl is an incredible angel. We have truly been blessed with such a good-natured baby.

Maven is almost 5 months old and she does a great job sleeping for naps and overnight without any comforting assistance.

As a stranger just said to us, it's easy to get smiles and laughs out of Maven. A quick look or smile from anyone seems to brighten her.

She is easy to keep satisifed. Maven gives us clear signs in squawking (not crying) to let us know she is hungry or tired.

Though of course, she isn't truly 'perfect'; the latest very minor annoyance is that she tends to roll over from her back to the tummy but then gets stuck. If it's after she has eaten, she'll usually spit up milk, which isn't fun to clean up. If it's not after she has eaten, she'll eventually get tired and we'll have to help her to her back again -- but she'll roll within seconds again to her tummy. Repeat. Repeat.

Compared to some stories we've heard from other parents and our expectations of how difficult babies can be, we thought Sedona was a great baby. She was pretty easygoing and slept well through the night upon some training, but Maven (sorry, we still love you, Sedona) puts Sedona to shame in level of maintenance.

When we were pregnant with Maven, other moms would say that there is no way we'd get lucky with another sweetie and well-behaved child like Sedona. Some openly were rooting against us! I'm happy to report (so far) that they are wrong! We have another beautiful and sweet (and off-the-charts chubby) girl.

As I write this, Maven is chilling on her play mat -- laughing and babbling to herself. It's so precious.

Anti-Cling and Anti-Cry

By MAGGIE WANG

Two things that are apparently rather common issues with toddlers but have moved to the forefront lately with Sedona:

(1) Separation anxiety

(2) Demand and control boundaries

SEPARATION ANXIETY

Ever since the recently aborted live-in nanny situation, we fully realized that Sedona is going to have some issues adjusting to changes in her life. She is like her parents: a creature of habit. Sedona has her little posse of preferred peeps and doesn't like that tampered with, as we learned in trying to throw her in with the new nanny.

That all said, we were uneasy (and are still not completely comfortable) in deciding that we wanted Sedona adjusted to my West End Tennis Club day-care center. It would give me the opportunity to play more tennis, work out during the day, get a break from the girls when Kevin is out of town -- and most importantly lose this baby fat.

We hyped up gym day care as sister/gym class, where only she and Maven could go and mommies and daddies weren't allowed. (Sedona has other real "classes" already (art class, library class, Mommy & Me class.) She seemed excited about the concept. The first couple of days (Tues/Wed) went largely as expected. She cried when I left and didn't stop until I would get called back in by the caretaker (Marlee or Laura) to comfort her. Despite all the crying Sedona said afterward that she had "fun" and wanted to go back. I think she found all the other kids sort of interesting to observe. So it must not have been that tramautic, right?

I skipped Thursday because Sedona woke up grumpy from her nap. But we weren't about to give up. After the girls went to bed Thursday night (and while I was out for dinner and drinks with my friends), Kevin -- a truly amazing husband and father -- did a bunch of Internet research on techniques to help Sedona deal with these tendencies to cling to us (and sometimes cry when she doesn't get her way).

The techniques proved immediately useful and effective because Sedona did FABULOUSLY on Day 3 (Friday). At the day-care center, I enthusiastically and lovingly told her that I knew she was there in the day-care center, I wasn't going to forget about her and she should have fun there -- and quickly walked out with no hesitation. She cried for about two minutes before just chilling out and observing the other kids in the usual way that she prefers at first. I got to work out a full hour! It was truly refreshing for me and even more uplifting to see her progress!

My little girl is growing up? Well, she is gaining some independence, at least.

DEMAND AND CONTROL BOUNDARIES

When the live-in nanny was here, we had to "rescue" a fearful Sedona so often after everything we tried to get them to connect that she found something that worked for her:

Crying = getting what I want.

Our rather smart daughter increasingly applied this technique to getting held, getting more snacks and basically getting her way.

How did we break her of this pattern? Kevin's research again proved to be a difference-maker.

One thing we began to do was respond to her demand to be held by accepting it, sort of. We ask her if she wants to be held for two seconds or five seconds. Naturally she picks five, and in so doing she feels as if she's getting her way and getting to make a decision, and we hold her for those seconds. Then it's over. No crying, no debate and no extended distraction.

We are also trying not to use the words "don't" and "no," trying not to phrase things in questions if there really is no choice for her and trying to redirect Sedona in a more positive manner. Things are clearly improved. It's not quite an episode of "Supernanny" given how mostly wonderful Sedona already was in our eyes, but it is very good stuff -- and it's just amazing what road we might have continued on if Kevin hadn't been proactive in learning more about how we can gain increased control and just be better parents.

I see such positive change in her, and the growth is definitely exciting for a mother to see.

Fu Diddy's Kiddy

By MAGGIE WANG

We met Natalie Fu (Wendy and Fu Diddy/David's daughter) today during a visit from Charlotte, N.C. Natalie is 9 months old but weighs a pound less than our 4 1/2-month Maven. It was fun to see a mobile baby; Natalie did a lot of crawling and a little cruising. Those days seem so long ago for Sedona and so far away for Maven, although Maven's regular rolling and semi-standing probably mean she's getting closer and closer. Does this mean so much is happening in the Ding household that life becomes a blur?

I could tell by watching Sedona interact with Natalie that our daughters are only going to have more fun together as Maven gets older.

Just the girls!

Maven has started playing in the "Excer-Saucer," where she stands/sits upright and can play with various toy stations. She is really enjoying all the different activities and noises -- at least for brief interludes before fatigue sets in. Kevin says Maven is showing signs of the superior hand-eye coordination that greatly translates to being good at sports, but we'll have to see.

After some fun at home and their separate naps, the girls got in Sedona's bed for some priceless bonding time. Check it out ...

"Smile, Maven!" Sedona urged.

Yay!

Sedona likes to point out all of Maven's body parts and identify them for us. "Nose! Eyebrow! Ear! ..." But here she is actually copying one of Kevin's little games with Maven when he wiggles his fingers over her face (with some sound effect) and then taps her nose ("Boo!").

Maven's latest favorite game only requires her to lie there. Kevin stands up with his arms raised as Maven starts to smile, knowing what's coming; then he drops both palms down with increasing speed and slaps them down near her ears while quickly moving his face right up to her face. Invariably, Maven laughs like crazy!

Sedona's 2nd Birthday Party

By SEDONA DING

Saturday was the party for my second birthday. The real big day isn't until Aug. 31, but we had it early because my a-gongs & a-mas are all going to be out of town on my actual birthday.

This was my invitation ... you like? Notice the turtle!

This is Fort Lots-of-Fun, a great spot near our home that is on higher ground and therefore always gets a refreshing ocean breeze.

When we were getting ready to cut the cake, I started to realize that I get to eat it this year!

The fam and the cake.

My picture is on the cake -- and it looks just like the invitation. Technology!

Yummy! King's Hawaiian paradise cake!

A-Gong Toshi & A-Ma Alice helped tend to Maven. She was super sweet and quiet so all the attention could be mine! Check out the ocean view behind them; I think all our Texas friends should move here.

Speaking of travels, Charlie here came in all the way from Virginia with his peeps Syndee & Danny. I'm just giving him a big California welcome kiss -- one of many kisses I gave out on the day, I must say.

Follow me, people! It's my party!

YAY! Skyler is such a trouper!

Once back home, it was time for PRESENTS! Tea set! Clothes! Books! Coloring books! Tricycle! Balls! And more! YAY!

Then there was this personalized rocking chair! Who needs Daddy's massage chair? Can life get any better than this?!?!

8/20/08: Sedona can breastfeed too!

8/18/08: Reaching for Sedona's watered-down juice

8/16/08: Where did my belly button go?

8/16/08: Three dogs named Inu, Crystal and Sedona

8/13/08: The day Sedona got her bounce house!

8/7/08: Sedona showing Nicholas the moves

7/29/08: She's happy and she knows it

7/6/08: Peek-a-boo with Maven

"See you Monday!"

By MAGGIE WANG

Sedona is so communicative now that it's practically a laugh a minute because who knows what she'll say. Even the way that she so maturely says, "Yeah" and "Yes" these days had A-Ma Ding laughing like crazy the other day. Sedona has been putting her Gnow-Gnow stuffed animal to bed for weeks now -- with a blanket to cover -- and the other day killed us by asking for the Boppy pillow to put around her waist, lifting up her shirt and beginning to breast-feed Gnow-Gnow. And when Sedona realizes she is making us laugh, she will keep bringing out the same funny lines over and over. A few of our favorites:

"See you Monday!" (Delivered with fully proud ignorance as to what the days of the week really are.)
"I see it! I see it!" (Most often about the moon, even if it's nowhere in sight.)
"Tummy time!" (She always has a suggestion for what Maven needs, and usually it's more tummy time.)
"Linda did it." (Blaming Nanny Linda for stuff.)

Sedona is totally going through a clingy yet controlling phase, though. She loves to tell us what to do, and here are some of those examples:

"No (with a back-and-forth wave of the hand for emphasis)!"

"Sit there!"

"Hold you." (Translation: "Hold me.")

"Don't cry, Maven. Don't cry." (More often it's "Sedona hold," meaning Sedona wants to hold Maven.)

"Self." (Translation: "Lemme do it myself.")

"More."
"Sedona's turn!"

"One more. ... TWO! TWO!" (It dawns on her in that moment that two more would be way better than one.)

"Walk." (A pleasant change of pace from "Hold you," this means she wants to walk herself.)

"Done." (Translation: Dinner is over!)
"Bounce house."

She is also testing our limits, so we've been working on finding the right balance of giving her what she wants to be happy without letting her dominate.

Before bed tonight, Sedona and I had a little chat about how we love her and want to do things with and for her, but she needs to be open to other people helping her and not cry about it. It was a sweet talk. She kissed me and went to bed.

She did her usual babble upon being put to bed -- talking aloud about all the things she does or thinks from the day just lived - and fell asleep only to wake up shortly after ... yelling, "I love you, Mommy! I love you, Mommy!"

I'm not sure why she woke up, but it broke my heart (I was scared she had a nightmare) and also warmed my heart to hear those words unsolicited.

Sedona is an absolute doll. We love her (and Maven) more than we could ever had imagined.

Today is the nine-year anniversary of when Kevin and I began dating. We watched our wedding video tonight to remind us of what we are all about. It's always interesting to go back in time through what Kevin calls "the best movie ever," but it was strange to think that our babies didn't exist.

Our nanny update

By MAGGIE WANG

Written on Friday, Aug. 8, in an e-mail to update our friends on our nanny situation:

OK, so it has been a very long few days … I’ve told some of you bits and pieces; others nothing yet, but I know it’s going to come up between us so why not give everyone the whole story here …

We had our new Indonesian live-in nanny start two Wednesdays ago, and things were very promising -- so much so that we didn’t have alternate plans if it didn’t work out. So this week has been an emotional rollercoaster with hours and hours of conversations back and forth with Kevin on what is best for our family.

Our new nanny was actually pretty good. She was sweet and hard-working, and she really took care of us; she was very sweet with Maven. She was someone whom Kevin and I both grew to like -- which made this week and these decisions tougher. We noticed her not clicking with Sedona last week and over the weekend but thought it would just take some time. By Tuesday, it was growing clearer that it wasn’t going to work. Sedona wouldn’t mind the nanny in the room but as soon as she tried to touch or get near her, Sedona would say ‘no’ and cry. Sometimes the cries were heartbreaking as we gave Sedona some tough love in trying to train her to calm herself down. We gave the nanny notice Tuesday that we probably couldn’t keep her b/c of her lack of relationship with Sedona – who certainly is a shy girl at first but really had a pretty terrible reaction to this nanny. We think for a couple reasons: (1) Sedona’s verbal skills are getting very strong, and the nanny’s lack of English was frustrating for both play and basic communication. (2) The nanny was passive and had a very hard time coming up with techniques for engaging a toddler.

Despite our nanny knowing that we were going to let her go on Friday (today), she worked hard and kept looking out for us. It was super sweet, and we continued to try to get Sedona to like her by working with both of them. It was emotionally draining to keep banging our heads against that wall, although Sedona did start to coexist with her better, at least.

At nights, Kevin and I would talk for hours about what we would do if it really doesn’t work out (which it didn’t): Do we hire an au pair? Do we use an American agency for a live-in? Do we hire another Indonesian nanny? Do we go back to something like what we had before with non-live-in Linda? After a lot of research and thought, we aren’t totally finalized yet – but we do know a lot more about child care options if you ever need help on the issue.

Currently, this is our conclusion – someone who is as good with our girls as Linda is unlikely to want to do our housekeeping. And someone who is really dedicated to cleaning is probably not the person we want to help develop our kids. So especially after seeing Sedona’s reaction to Linda when she stopped by for a cameo appearance Wednesday (and seeing Linda’s uncharacteristically sentimental reaction to Sedona – plus Linda’s statement about it not really being fair that we pay her to spend time with Sedona), we are going to keep Linda. As you’ve all heard me say… she is FABULOUS! We can and will never find anyone as good development-wise with our girls as she is. Linda has played a huge part in how Sedona has turned out so far (including being the impetus to Sedona being potty-trained by 17 months). We realize that without a live-in nanny my life might be a bit tougher in managing work and two little ones, but ultimately our girls’ happiness and development is way more important than how clean our house is. In addition, we are hoping to find a helper for me: I’m in the process of finding a housekeeper that will come to our house 2-3x a week for 2-3 hours to help with daily cleanings in the evening. I’m not sure if this is realistic (especially fiscally) but that is what we are currently on a mission to find. Wish us luck!

I’m SO sorry for the mass email, but I’m so tired of this topic and I want to put it behind me; I don’t want to tell the story over and over again. Thank you for understanding.

*** Aug. 21 update: Linda is back with our family, and it is obviously the right decision. Kevin was up early one morning and e-mailed me this, "I’ve been up here for 10-15 minutes listening to Linda and Sedona watch "Sesame Street" and interact; there’s no doubt how spry and excited Sedona is to be with her."

In addition, we have found an evening helper for me. Our friends Patty and Larry have an amazing nanny/housekeeper for their twins, Bryce and Natalie: Betty, who is from Guatemala. Betty will be helping us in the evenings a few days a week to lighten my load. I'm super excited about having her join us, and I appreciate them sharing her with us. She is starting this week.

Busy weekend

By MAGGIE WANG

I didn't realize how much excitement was going on in our household these past couple of days until I looked through our pictures.
Here we go ...

On Friday, Rosana came over for our usual date with Indian food so babies Maven and Ronin could have another playdate.

On Saturday, the whole Ding clan came over to celebrate A-Gong Ding's birthday (actual birthdate: Aug. 5).

Amid a lot of eating (A-Ma Ding's yummy food) and gaming (Scrabble, Junior Scrabble, PlayStation3 and the bounce house, of course), we watched some old home movies. A-Go Kristen had sent all the old Ding family 8 mm reels to a company that copied the footage to DVDs.

Everyone watched intently, as seen by Sedona and Skyler here with Kevin, who is wearing his "throwback" T-shirt (designed by a young Kristen) from the Dings' old Port Orient Restaurant in St. Louis. We laughed like crazy at A-Gong Ding's 1970s outfits and how insanely big Kevin's head was as a baby.

A-gong Ding opened his gifts, including one Sedona gave him: a talking frame on which she had recorded, "I love you, A-Gong Ding!"

Silly Skyler hid under a gift bag while Sedona tried to find him. Very, very cute!

On Sunday, Anita came over in the morning for some bonding time despite her wedding being just 20 days from now!

We then headed off to Orange for Daddy's softball game. Sedona was so interested she just walked over to the fence behind home plate to watch by herself while Daddy's team was in the field. Meanwhile, Austin Lev and Maven met up again for more tummy time together ...

... and shared this little moment.

Just a precious photo of Sedona that I couldn't pass up.

After we got home, Natalie & Bryce came over for some bounce-house fun! Here they were singing and dancing to "Ring Around the Rosie" in there. It was super cute.