Back to Basics for Sedona

By MAGGIE WANG

I usually update here via pictures and activities, but I think it is important also to update with what the girls are going through and the progress or setbacks as Sedona and Maven develop.

Sedona has become quite the little girl lately. She is definitely no longer a baby. She is usually sweet as can be, but in the past couple of weeks, I've started to notice she will get sassy -- a quality with which I am not looking forward to dealing as the years go by.  She puts her hands on her hips like a diva and says things that sound so pre-teen at the age of 4. *sigh*  ("I know, but I'm not going to tell you," for example.) I think she is currently learning to exert her will and trying to understand her boundaries, typical of that age. She understands she is older and can make some decisions but clearly is not old enough to make any real decisions. It is an interesting and frustrating place for her. We have been really having to work with her to be a good listener almost all of the time instead of just most of the time.  Most of the discipline surrounds her not listening or doing as she is told -- and not wanting to go to sleep.

At night she is having a tough time not staying in bed and will come up with too many things to ask for: keep the door open, turn on the hallway light, go potty, Maven's talking, I'm thirsty, I'm not tired. The list goes on.  It has been quite frustrating because it keeps Maven up, and well, it requires me to work for an hour to get her to stay in bed and go to sleep when I really need them rested for the next morning (and often have my own work to do at night).

Kevin and I were both frustrated by Monday night. As he was dealing with her, I started to rethink how we were raising Sedona, which made me turn the DVR to "Supernanny" (a show we watched often before having children). It reminded me that I don't necessarily follow through all the time and kids need structure. So I started the next morning Tuesday by telling Sedona that I haven't been happy with her not listening, and our household was going into a zero-tolerance policy: "When I ask you do something and you do not listen, i will give you a warning of the consequences. If you do not listen, there is zero tolerance."

I was mentally committed that day on how to handle Sedona when she did not listen, so all afternoon while we were together, I used the zero-tolerance policy -- and I surprisingly had to use it on Maven, not Sedona. The girls saw I was following through, so when it came to bedtime, I explained that they were not allowed to talk or get out of bed. If they did, they would get their first warning -- after which they would lose their stickers for having good bedtimes. Each sticker = a quarter. Once they have four stickers, they can go to the store (or pantry upstairs) and buy something for a dollar. If they still didn't listen after losing their stickers, they would go into timeouts executed exactly as taught by "Supernanny" (see below). Voila!!! I put the girls to bed. They made noise. I gave them a warning on losing their stickers, and they were asleep within minutes!

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1. Before You Start: Establish House Rules and a Time Out spot -- When you are about to start a new discipline routine at home, it is important to make sure your children understand what will be expected of them. Supernanny typically makes a chart of some type, and takes time to review it, in person, with the children.House rules can include rules like: Speak politely, Keep a Clean Room, etc. Try to phrase these positively - i.e. "Keep rooms clean" not "Do not make a mess" You will also want to make a spot for Time Out. Older children should be given a room free of amusement, while younger children should sit on a chair or stool of some type that is somewhat out-of-the-way.
2. Warning -- If your child begins to misbehave and/or clearly break a house rule, give the child a firm warning. State that his/her behavior is unacceptable, and explain what he/she did wrong. Tell the child what consequence will occur if behavior continues - in this case, time out! For younger children, you can attempt to diffuse the situation if possible as well - take away a toy that is causing trouble, or engage a bored child.
3. Time Out! -- If the behavior continues, it's time for time out. For a younger child, physically place the child on the chair. Inform him/her what the offense was, and explain that time out is now in effective for "x" minutes (Jo recommends one minute per year of age). The same applies for older children, except they should be sent to the designated time out room. Repeat as Necessary. This is where the child will likely try to test you, by getting up from the chair or leaving the room. Calmly place the child back in time out, and DO NOT SPEAK to him/her. Reset the timer each time. On the show, this can take HOURS for a stubborn child.
4. Apologies, Hugs, and Kisses

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 Overall, Sedona is a great little girl. She is polite, thoughtful, kind and sweet.  She is always looking out for her sister and offers her things. I think sometimes that is the problem for me. I get easily frustrated with her b/c I have such high expectations of her -- and need to remind myself that she is only 4. 

Sedona is at the moment very much into making necklaces.  She has been making them with names on them for her A-Mas and friends. She really loves reading and testing her skills there. We go to the library weekly right now to get books and rent children's movies. The girls love picking their own books and having me read to them there. Sedona is also able to get through most Level 1 books and Dr. Seuss books and read them without much assistance. 

Sedona has been climbing the monkey bars and flipping on bars, impressing me. She is usually the fine-motor-skills kind of girl. I think she might enjoy gymnastics, but I can't help but let my childhood issues with the sport skew me (I think it affected my height and legs) get in the way. So I'm exposing her to other sports first: tennis, ballet/tap, ice skating ... and starting to think, should I do music? But Kevin thinks I'm overburdening myself, as is, with household/family management stuff and I don't need to overthink all of this now. He is sort of right, but for those who know me, I want everything done right -- especially with loving and raising these amazing girls.